oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
