sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
