the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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