It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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