you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
