she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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