guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
