i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
