he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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