I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
