it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
