We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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