just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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