how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
