I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
