Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
