Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize