Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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