On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
