There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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