she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
