i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
