Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Your dad touched me again.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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