I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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