If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
