; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
