he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
