do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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