its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
