I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
