Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
