so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
