The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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