sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize