Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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