Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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