I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
