peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
