Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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