Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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