On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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