I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
