Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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