i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Randomize
