Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize