pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
