I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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