how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Someone signed my nipple.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
