just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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