I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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