Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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