this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
