I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
