We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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