My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
