i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
