so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
