The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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