Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize