mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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