Cold hands, warm shart.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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