I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
