one word: firstdatebathroomanal
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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