I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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