when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
