the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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