The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
