Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize