your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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