I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
