the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
