I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
