She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
