So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
