You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
