I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
