I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
