This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
