very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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