I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
