i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
