we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
