Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
