Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
