I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
