A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
