it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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