i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
