So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
