i wish my penis had a tongue
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
