I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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