"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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