I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
