he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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