Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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