Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
