I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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