I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
