i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
