Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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