I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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