Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
