I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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