Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
