i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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