Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
