At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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